Dear Betty:
My wife and I have been involved in the swingers’ lifestyle for about a year. I have a performance problem that is killing me. I have no problem getting and maintaining an erection when I am with my wife. But when I get with another woman, I can’t keep an erection at all when it comes time for penetration. While I receive oral sex from other women, I’m as hard as usual. When it comes time to put on a condom, my erection withers away. If I try to have intercourse without a condom, the best I can do is semi erect. It’s enough to get the deed done, barely. My wife keeps telling me it’s in my head and I need to just relax, but it’s very frustrating and a major ego crusher for me. Are there some relaxation techniques you could recommend or something else possibly to look into?
Thanks,
Frustrated in the Mountains
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Dear Frustrated:
You’re another man living out the fantasies of other men. That’s great that you and your wife have decided to be swingers and take your relationship to a whole new level. It takes a very solid relationship to be able to carry that off. Kudos to you.
As for your performance issues, I think there are a few ways we can tackle this. First off, I would say pick one other woman and have her join you and/or your wife more than a few times. It’s hard to have chemistry with someone you hardly know and different people all the time. Really get to know the other person&talk, have drinks or whatever you feel comfortable doing. I would try that first and see what happens.
If that doesn’t work, I would really sit down and think about what could be the real issue here? Ask yourself if you’re really comfortable having sex with other women. Maybe, you’d get more turned on just watching your wife with other men and/or being part of that action. Of course, it could all be mental. You might want to imagine the other woman is your wife. Men daydream all the time about having sex with porn stars, while fucking their wives or girlfriends.
One last suggestion. You might want to loosen up the mood with a little porn. It always gets me in
the mood. Evil Angel’s Euro Angels Hardball #1 has sex scenes with erotic stories in them. Maybe, you want to watch what you’ll be doing. Get an amateur movie that has scenes with 2 or 3 people having sex. Combat Zone’s The Girl Next Door would be a good one.
I hope this helps you get over whatever is literally keeping you down. Just relax, take a deep breath, have fun, and your whole experience will change. Fingers crossed.
